Did you cum? Why We Fake it and Why it Matters

I didn’t realize faking an orgasm was a thing, until, well… I started having sex myself which in writing this article sent me back to ’97 and this in a particular scene. I get it now. But popular media aside, real people having real sex actually fake orgasms more than you’d think and for a variety of reasons. Have you ever faked it? I know I have, maybe more times than I’ve seen that movie. In retrospect, I realize how destructive this practice really is. If you’re having sex with the goal of orgasm in mind, why on earth would you fake it? Faking it sends signals to your partner that you are super into what is going on, and that’s a good way to get you there. But it’s not. Communication is key- whether that’s through a Yes, No Maybe guide, body language or plain old conversation. You should be having the sex you deserve.

A study explored The social and legal status of male or female. A set of expectations from society about behaviors and characteristics. Each culture has standards about the way that people should behave based on whether they’re male or female." (heterosexual) men’s and women’s experiences, beliefs, and concerns regarding the occurrence or nonoccurrence of orgasm during sexual interactions, with emphasis on the absence of One of two possible legal/medical gender categories, assigned at birth. Also describes when someone has XX chromosomes." (female) orgasm during Sexual activity in which the penis goes into the vagina (vaginal intercourse) or the anus (anal intercourse)." (intercourse)

  • The most common concern regarding lack of female orgasm in a partnered context focused on the negative impact this might have on the male partner’s ego.
  • Male and female participants also agreed that men have the physical responsibility to stimulate their female partner to orgasm, while women have the psychological responsibility of being mentally prepared to experience the orgasm.
  • Men and women tended to maintain different beliefs, however, regarding clitoral stimulation during intercourse, as well as the importance of female orgasm for a woman’s sexual satisfaction in a partnered context.
  • Faking orgasm for reasons related to a poor sexual experience or to poor partner choice was the strongest predictor; associated with lower levels of desire and sexual and relationship satisfaction.
  • Faking orgasm to support a partner’s emotional well-being was associated with higher levels of desire.
  • Faking orgasm because one was intoxicated, having undesired sex, or out of a desire to improve the quality of the sexual encounter was associated with higher levels of sexual satisfaction.